i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize
