his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
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