You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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