I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
Randomize
