I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
i'm signing you up for texting rehab
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Randomize
