so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Randomize
