weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
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