she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
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