oh god the rape fog is back!
Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Randomize
