I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Randomize
