Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
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