dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
