Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
