Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
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