my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
Randomize
