Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
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