drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Randomize
