I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Randomize
