To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Randomize
