I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
