so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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