Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
smell my finger.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
