After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
