got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
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