just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Randomize
