I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
These tits shall not be calmed
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
