Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Randomize
