Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize