I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
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