she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Randomize
