I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
