remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
