new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
