why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
Randomize
