I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
His nipple licking is glorious
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