his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
