I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Randomize
