Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
Rock
Scissors
Fuck
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize