Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
Can you repeat that, but with context?
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
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