....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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