sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
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