What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Randomize
