I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
