Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
My vagina just clenched in fear
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
