Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Randomize
