You just made me feel so damn special
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Randomize
