Banned from zoo.
Again?
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Randomize
