I could make wine with my vomit
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
tell me about the fingering
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