You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
