What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Randomize
