I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Randomize
