If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
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