I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
