Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Randomize
