it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
