one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
