I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Randomize
