someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
