I could make wine with my vomit
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
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