i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
