Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Randomize
