I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
You're like the curious george of whores
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
