nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Randomize
