For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
