i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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