Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Semen is not good for contacts.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Randomize