Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
