yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
She just used a chaser for red wine.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Randomize
