smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
I checked into jail on foursquare
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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