i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
