Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(253): View more from Washington

Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.

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(248): View more from Michigan

Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.

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(716): View more from New York

Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.

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(269): View more from Michigan

I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.

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(425): View more from Washington

Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.

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(586): View more from Michigan

I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.

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(678): View more from Georgia

It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.

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(775): View more from Nevada

I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.

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(425): View more from Washington

just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit

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